possible synopsis…


Good morning! I am writing to you now with the hopes that some of you will happily provide some feedback on which of the following three synopsis’ would make you want to read “The Unexpected”

#1

Everyday across the media there are invigorating statements relating to the end of the world.  Nostradamus, the Bible, and the mayan calendar all predict the end to be in 2012.  What if we lived to see a world beyond this where there was peace and abundance.  What if this was the perfect world to begin the ultimate chapter of the end, the Revelation.

When Andrew Rakford becomes President of the United States of America he wishes his mother was there because she was the one that always said that God had a great plan for him.  Now as he grows and survives multiple terrorist attacks his life begins to change without much more than a thought towards it.  Forgetting his mother and moving forward with his own plans he soon finds what this great plan had always been.  The Anti-Christ has never been  a position that has been so well taken with a drive and dillegence as by Andrew Rakford

#2

The threats of 2012 loom everyday on the news, in our minds, and across civilization.  What if we made it past this to see a world that initiates it’s president with an Inaugural massacre which makes way to the great Christian Revolt?  “The Unexpected” creates a world much like the one we live in today but filled with anxious twists of what’s norm, from Christian terrorists, blatant execution without due diligence, and modern day concentration camps.

Andrew Rakford is a young President of the United States starting out at the youngest age allowable, 35.  With a swarm of warped memories of his childhood and life practices Andrew is capable of using charm as well as intelligence in attempts to literally make everybody happy.  Till he learns of the truth of his mother’s reactions to his life, and the true reason why his father had left so many years ago does he remain a man of unfathomable patience and kindness.  Smart twists to the plot and story line add the dramatic effect of this novel never truly allowing the reader to see what will happen, though told through a third person omniscient point of view.

#3

Imagine that you are at the ripe young age of 35.  You’ve just received a promotion where you feel you can make everything better, the wrongs into rights and the woes into victories.  You’re mother always used to tell you that you were going to be a mighty man of God after a priest had prophesized this for you.  Here you sit being agnostic, but still having a love for your deceased mother, her lovely sayings, and realistic revelations.

The Christians have united and created a terrorist group that is reigning destruction on the United States and countries abroad because they feel that the government has become too corrupt to go on.  A combination of assassination attempts, terrorist attacks, and a plethora of missing people finally makes you initiate a plan in order to keep the world safe.  A plan that would ensure people follow you, and don’t oppose you.  A plan where the world is the edge of your every command.  You now know that you are the President of the United States, and you are the Anti-christ.


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Posted on August 10, 2010, in feedback, Queries, thoughts, writing ideas and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. All 3 are very well written, in order by what i read 2 was most interesting then 1 then 3. but thats just me.

  2. vanessa edwards

    hi caleb. vanessa here, naomi’s sister. great work you’re doing here. living the dream. you inspire me. I think 2 is preferable to 3 & 1 is too cut & dry. 3 would be enticing too, but I feel it’s a bad idea to reveal the character IS the anti-christ. let it suprise the reader.
    congratulations on taking the reins of your own happiness:-)

  3. Hi Caleb, all 3 were good but number 2 seems more fitting for the Title….best of luck…will be looking forward to the read ❤

  4. #1 has incredibly confuses tenses. You start in present tense, switch to future in the second paragraph, then back to present with the word “Now.” You also hardly mention what the actual story is about. There is a president, and a world that seems against him… so, kind of like right now? Also, you left off questions marks on your rhetorical questions, which you should probably just leave off anyways.

    #2 lost my interest in the first sentence. I honestly couldn’t care less about 2012. It does loom in my mind, nor in the minds of anyone I speak with on a daily basis. Overall, you shouldn’t mention the novel or use any author/editor/agent/publisher jargon in your synopsis. Unless, of course, the synopsis involves a writer, editor, agent, etc. Don’t tell the prospective readers that your plot adds drama, show them! You could also use a refresher lesson on punctuation, as you miss several commas or otherwise misuse them.

    #3 again reminds us why grammar is important. You’re mother, really? You are mother? I think you meant *your. The first paragraph tries to bring the reader into the point of view of the protagonist, but the choppy sense of writing and overall bizarre syntax erases the realism of it. There is no emotion to draw me into that character at all, but it does leave you with a sort of nostalgic, everything-will-be-okay kind of feel. Then you ruin that in the first sentence of the next paragraph. Do you intend to write the novel in second person? If you do, then good luck. If you don’t, then don’t write the synopsis in second person. The second paragraph also makes this new president sound like the villain of the story, whereas the first paragraph tried to show him as a beacon of hope. Which is it?

    None of these give me a feel for what the novel is actually about. Is this new president a good guy? Or a bad guy? The ‘Anti-Christ’ certainly sounds bad, and the latter half of #3 makes him sound like a dictator. I still have no idea what the story is about or when it takes place. In the future I can imagine, but how far into the future? When you say “filled with anxious twists of what’s norm, from Christian terrorists, blatant execution without due diligence, and modern day concentration camps” you’re mostly describing what we have today. Sorry to say, but this isn’t your imagined world, this is reality. Maybe not so much in this country, but across the world, these things are the norm. Right now.

    To be frank, you have a lot of work to do on these to make them marketable. But don’t despair! Don’t stop writing! The important thing is that you keep trying, and keep learning. There are several resources out there to help you. I have a list of some of my favorites on my blog if you’re interested.

    Keep working at it, Caleb. You’ll get there, and when you do, you’ll see how far you’ve come and be that much more proud of yourself for it.
    ~IshanaTM

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