Monthly Archives: January 2012

Tha’s a full moon

Okay, okay. So there comes a time once every month where I cringe. I sweat, and I am all around GRUMPY! The moment I am talking about is the full moon. It’s that three day weekend when there is ALWAYS a full moon. People come into the restaurant and complain about the craziest of things. These people see steaks that are undercooked, though they are perfect, servers that are judging them because they are vegetarians, and a wine list that is prejudice against their palate. Now what in the world are these people really upset about? Do they think this is the last moment on earth as humans so they must complain? Do they really think they are about to turn into werewolves when they get home, and sit in the closet to eat the free steak they acquired through arguing with me (and calling their lawyer!)

Sure. I pass this all off as a full moon. There are random days that bring about the same things, but most are on these full moon weekends. I always say that you know it’s a full moon when you have the most ridiculous complaints of all time. “My server was staring me down, because she detests vegetarians!” Says one lady, speaking about the server that has a vegan girlfriend! Another lady, in an attempt to get a free dinner, tells me that my servers laughed at her mother as she walked by and quote un-quote, said; “Boom! Boom! Boom! Here comes Godzilla! She’s going to eat the whole restaurant! Ha ha ha!”

I was like, “Ma’am! that never happened.” There was an awkward pause. She contemplated where she would take this next.

“You are not being a good manager right now!”

“Ma’am, no offense but I spoke with ever table last night, and the name you gave me doesn’t match any reservations, or walk-in’s that we had.”

“You never once said you were sorry!”

I glared at the phone questioningly. “Yes I did ma’am. I said I was sorry to hear that this happened to your mother.”

“But it was your staff!”

“Ma’am my staff wouldn’t say anything like that. They love their jobs too much. Plus I talked to every table.”

By the way you have to imagine that this was a lady with a rather large family, and a strong spanish accent.
“Maricone!”

“Lo ciento Senora, pero no me gusta que tu llamas me. Vamos ser professionale.”

translation:

“Fag!”

“I’m sorry ma’am but I don’t like those names, lets keep this professional.”

She hung up the phone so quickly. I was amazed…..what the ef am I doing writing this right now? I want to write,but  I have had several drinks by this point. Alright folks, I’m off to bed.

Thanks for reading…

Caleb A. Mertz