Inspiration through Deprivation

It’s a chilly day here in San Diego, meaning it’s sub 60 degrees with the threat of rain. Yet off in the distance blue skies allow the setting sun’s rays to exhibit the many layers within the clouds. An image so pristine and clear it illuminates how I’m feeling; burdened and sullen, yet with a glimpse of direction and success to make the current situation, well, beautiful.

Reviewing older blog posts I see my determination and inspiration oozing from every grammatically incorrect sentence. Of these, I recognize just how much I’ve strayed. I hit myself over the head many times when I realize that 2 years of vacation is more than enough time to find inspiration. Now, however, since it has been 2 years there’s an even bigger problem: my clouds.

My clouds aren’t happy fluffy white ones lazily floating by on a warm spring day, no. They instead limit my vision to near feet above me. They’re dark and heavy, as if a burden, translated literally, financial burden. It’s interesting to be reminded of what it was like when I was 18, unsure of rent, and willing to buy Ramen noodles in order to eat. How can someone derive any such inspiration to pick up the pen at a point like this? Well, where there is a will there’s a way, my mother always told me. With that, the job market is anything but booming, yet I know what I love to do, and there are ways to make money doing it.

I have followed’s freelance writing guide, Allena Tapia, and have a slew of emails still to be reviewed. This ‘Topic Guide’ has pages upon pages written about breaking into the freelance career, discovering voice, and the must’s of independent contract writing. Turning to her pages for guidance is a relief as I’m not the only one, allowing her comment fields to be taken up with other real-life advice to the novice or aspiring freelancer. Is this the key? Staying afloat long enough to start up the resume is a trick of its own, but the constant advice and drive continues to pour in.

Deprivation is a lack of something necessary. For me, living tip to tip is no longer something I want to do. I regressed after being salary in hopes that the good folks of San Diego would be nice to me, assuming they knew my past and my story. One can only live in delusion for so long before they go crazy and always believe, or step up to the plate and begin doing something about it. Through this deprivation, I have found inspiration, the dream I once had of being a well off individual, and everyday that slips away is a missed opportunity. Thank you, deprivation, for giving me the inspiration I need to get back on track with what I came here to do, and may it never stop, untill I’m at the top.

Thank you for reading. I hope you can’t apply anything I wrote to your life because you’re already fulfilling every moment. However, the second you begin to leave that, revisit this and rethink. Do I want my inspiration to come from deprivation?

Caleb A. Mertz

Posted on November 21, 2013, in Rants, thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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