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Tha’s a full moon

Okay, okay. So there comes a time once every month where I cringe. I sweat, and I am all around GRUMPY! The moment I am talking about is the full moon. It’s that three day weekend when there is ALWAYS a full moon. People come into the restaurant and complain about the craziest of things. These people see steaks that are undercooked, though they are perfect, servers that are judging them because they are vegetarians, and a wine list that is prejudice against their palate. Now what in the world are these people really upset about? Do they think this is the last moment on earth as humans so they must complain? Do they really think they are about to turn into werewolves when they get home, and sit in the closet to eat the free steak they acquired through arguing with me (and calling their lawyer!)

Sure. I pass this all off as a full moon. There are random days that bring about the same things, but most are on these full moon weekends. I always say that you know it’s a full moon when you have the most ridiculous complaints of all time. “My server was staring me down, because she detests vegetarians!” Says one lady, speaking about the server that has a vegan girlfriend! Another lady, in an attempt to get a free dinner, tells me that my servers laughed at her mother as she walked by and quote un-quote, said; “Boom! Boom! Boom! Here comes Godzilla! She’s going to eat the whole restaurant! Ha ha ha!”

I was like, “Ma’am! that never happened.” There was an awkward pause. She contemplated where she would take this next.

“You are not being a good manager right now!”

“Ma’am, no offense but I spoke with ever table last night, and the name you gave me doesn’t match any reservations, or walk-in’s that we had.”

“You never once said you were sorry!”

I glared at the phone questioningly. “Yes I did ma’am. I said I was sorry to hear that this happened to your mother.”

“But it was your staff!”

“Ma’am my staff wouldn’t say anything like that. They love their jobs too much. Plus I talked to every table.”

By the way you have to imagine that this was a lady with a rather large family, and a strong spanish accent.

“Lo ciento Senora, pero no me gusta que tu llamas me. Vamos ser professionale.”



“I’m sorry ma’am but I don’t like those names, lets keep this professional.”

She hung up the phone so quickly. I was amazed…..what the ef am I doing writing this right now? I want to write,but  I have had several drinks by this point. Alright folks, I’m off to bed.

Thanks for reading…

Caleb A. Mertz

Enticing the creativity

Be on the lookout! Not only is green grass in short supply here in the north, but so is creativity! Strike that… the creative spark is lacking. Over the past several weeks there has been a burden of snow upon us. As we prepare for these monstrous storms (all of which still prove to be serious to me) I have been found to be breaking my back over the new work load. Others have been spreading needless amounts of salt on their sidewalks, or piling snow into my boyfriends parking spot! In all of this there is little time for my mind to relax, but now I stress even more wondering where all of the creativity has gone.

I had a great month in August. I wrote in my blog more than once, and I had found my new best writing buddy, let alone a great new friend. The weather was hot, my tan was superb, and my body was finally bulking into what I had wanted since I was twelve. Now, apparently, I am preparing for hibernation (explains the added pounds, plus the unquenchable hunger), sleeping later, and missing the gym due to a “changing work environment”. So how do I go about enticing the creativity? The creativity to write in my blog, or to finish my long awaited book, or to write a damned query letter that attracts a bit more than flies!

Today was a great day, because I was able to entice a bit of that lazy creativity to seep through some invisible source and slowly drip into my subconscious which then slowly fed my alcohol infused conscious thought.

-Today is the day I thought about the ridiculousness of my mild excuses to myself.

-Today I thought about the amount of things I could be achieving by waking up two hours earlier than the past three years.

-Today I realized that I have just been lazy for a serious amount of time. Now the laziness hasn’t always been so. It started as enthusiasm over a new relationship. This enthusiasm slipped into comfort, which then eased into the laziness of not ensuring everything necessary to keep life in order was being completed on a regular schedule.

I sit here on the eve of the day I will get up at 9am and testify that this will help to establish a balance in my life which will allow my professional obligations to be fulfilled, while satisfying the personal obligations that I have set. If I don’t post something new on here within a week, either I have failed, or I have been over run with restaurant obligations.

Till the final determination…

Caleb A. Mertz